#71 - Rebirth & Reckoning- Embracing the Changes We Never Wanted

Changes are afoot....Now what?
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anaïs Nin

In this episode, we dive deep into a topic that resonates with SO many women: embracing changes we never wanted. Life is full of unexpected twists, some we see coming, others that blindside us. Regardless of how these changes appear, we face a pivotal choice in how we respond to them. As summer fades into autumn, it's a powerful reminder of the cycles of change that surround us. When we're faced with shifts in our realities, we are faced with a choice: welcome the gifts & grow or resist the changes and crumble. We talk about navigating life-altering events, from sending kids off to college to facing personal health challenges, and how these moments shape us. This episode is a call to action to engage with life's changes, to reckon with them, and to use them as catalysts for growth. Whether it's letting go of what was or stepping into a new season of life, we'll explore how to turn these transitions into powerful rebirths.
If you're ready to dive deeply into your identity as you navigate change, join me for the Own Your Identity 6-Week Mastermind starting on September 30th. Details found here: https://www.thechristinegale.com/mastermind.
Let's hug it out even as we light a fire under our booties to use these changes to take our gorgeous lives to the next level!
xoxo--Christine

[0:01] - Introduction to the episode and its theme: embracing unwanted changes.
[2:22] - Announcement of the "Own Your Identity" Mastermind, launching September 30th.
[4:45] - Reflecting on recent experiences with identity work and its impact.
[6:37] - The emotional journey of letting go as children head off to college.
[10:38] - Navigating profound life changes: personal losses, career shifts, and more.
[12:09] - Choosing how to respond to unwelcome changes: Finding the gifts in the unexpected.
[15:50] - The concept of "rebirth" and using seasonal changes as a metaphor for personal growth.
[18:51] - Practical advice on reckoning with and engaging with change in your life.
[22:26] - Building a supportive community and embracing personal evolution.

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Transcript

Christine Gale (00:01.452)
Welcome back to the Girl Out of Order podcast. I'm so thankful that you have joined me today because we are going to be tackling a topic that I know is near and dear to so many of your hearts. And it is embracing changes we never wanted. I'm calling this episode Rebirth and Reckoning because when we experience changes in our lives,

Whether it's we saw it coming or whether it was out of the blue, whether it's a change we made or to change it happened to us. We are faced with a choice as to how we respond to that change. And this time of year as autumn comes to or excuse me as summer comes to a close, it always breaks my heart and autumn dawns. It's an opportunity for us to reassess where we're at to

re -examine the changes that are happening in our lives and we get to decide how we're going to respond. Before we dive into today's episode, I have a very exciting announcement. Several months back, I had announced that I was commencing with my first ever mastermind called Own Your Identity. And then with my health issues, I had to pull that back.

Well, my friend Dawn and I are launching it on September 30th. We are so excited to provide this place for women to come and to really delve into identity work, to get the tools, the strategies, and the community to help them get to their most authentic selves and to help you understand how you can build a beautiful, aligned, compelling life.

from that place of truly knowing who you are. And so starting on September 30th and for six weeks, we are going to be running this incredible course on two different continents. That's right. I'm gonna be handling it here in North America. And I don't know, I don't care if you're from North America, but that's where I'm located. And my friend Dawn is she's located in England and she's going to be doing it for the European community. And what makes this mastermind and

Christine Gale (02:21.91)
a workshop, call it whatever you want, call it a course. I like mastermind because I think that term much more represents what happens in these groups. But what makes it so unique is that on Sundays, we are actually gonna come together as a global community and have a planning, journaling, and mastermind session as a bonus. So please be on the lookout in my social media and we are going to just launch this thing on September 30th.

I will give you a little insight. did a mastermind earlier this year with some of my ladies in the area and it was incredible. I saw so much growth and change and connection in these women and I'm super excited to bring it to our community. So be on the lookout. And one last thing before we dive in, please do me a favor and

review this podcast wherever you can, whether you listen to it on Spotify or Apple or any of those other places, those reviews really help us get our message out far and wide because we really want to create a tribe of girls out of order. And if you haven't joined the Facebook community, hop on in there. There's going to be a lot of information about the Own Your Identity Mastermind and a lot more teaching and some upcoming gatherings. So join us there. All right.

So let me explain why I'm doing this particular topic at this particular time. So last week, my episode was on becoming who you want to be in the next 12 months. And it was recorded as I was on such an incredible high having given an identity workshop to my daughter's college soccer team for the second year in a row.

And I was so blown away by watching these women, these young women, for the first time ever really be taught identity work, really be challenged to be intentional about creating their identity and then living into that identity. And I was on such a high and I'm still buzzing when I talk about it. I'm sorry, I'm a little tongue -tied, but when I think about...

Christine Gale (04:44.642)
what I was able to experience by being just a messenger for these women, to give them the message that they get to design their, they get to create their identity, and they get to design their own lives, and to see the -hahs on their faces, and to see the tears rolling down their cheeks as they assessed what's been holding them back. I was just.

flying and I still am and that's a large part of why I'm so excited to create this own your identity workshop this mastermind that I'm creating.

But as I was reflecting throughout the week, and I'm a bit of a junkie scrolling through Facebook and some Instagram, I started to notice over and over and over again, friends of mine, people that I've known over the years dropping their children off at college. And it really got me thinking and it got me very reflective about how challenging it is.

in our lives as women, when we come to these points where changes happen that are unwelcome. And it really jacks your mind when it's unwelcome, but yet you know in your spirit it's right and the timing is perfect, but yet everything in you wants to hold on to what you had, even when you know you need to start letting go. And so,

I found myself getting extremely emotional looking at these Facebook posts and then of course Facebook being what it is, all of a sudden my memories came up of when we dropped our first daughter off at college. And getting choked up just thinking about it.

Christine Gale (06:36.01)
You know, my husband said once, I'm sure he stole it from somebody, but we're going to give him credit for it today. He said, you know, with children, the days are so long, but the years are so short. And I thought to myself, wow, that is really accurate. Because when you're in the thick of it, when you're raising those babies, you feel like, God, God, these days just sometimes they feel never ending and the soccer and the

the horseback riding and the volleyball and the carpools and the school projects and it's just this big swirling whirling thing and then all of a sudden you stop and you realize that part of your life is coming to an end and now there's a change that's coming into your life that you're not thrilled about but you know is right.

And so when I was looking at these pictures, I was remembering what it felt like when our Chloe walked into the athletic building and she did that thing where she turned around and looked back.

and I couldn't breathe. And we drove home and just the tears. And so I had headphones and listening to Netflix and Sean kept trying to talk to me and every time he would ask me to take my headphones out, the tears would just start streaming down my face because it wasn't just a change for me. It was a change for the little people left at home and it changed the dynamic in our house and in our family and our conversations. And I was like, no God, I don't want this. I don't want this.

I don't want this. And then I went to visit her and she was so happy and I'm like, why can't I just want that more? Why is this so hard to let go?

Christine Gale (08:28.246)
And we're now facing a year of a lot of lasts. We just started Chelsea's very last soccer season. We'll never have this time again. And so I can feel those changes coming again. And that part of me that just wants to hold so tightly, and I just keep telling myself, open your hands. Open your hands, Christine, because if you're holding so tightly,

to what you don't want to change. Not only are you missing what you're experiencing now, but you're robbing yourself of what is waiting for you on the other side of that change. Because the woman that I sit here today in 2024 is so radically and beautifully and supernaturally different than the woman that I was when I dropped that daughter off.

in August of 2019. In those five years, the radical changes in me, I am so excited about and I am so grateful for and they wouldn't have happened if I hadn't moved through so many changes. Because in the last five years, let's think about this. Since 2019, dropped my kid off at college, we experienced a global pandemic. We had mental health crises in two of our daughters that brought us to our knees.

We've had marriage struggles. I left my old law firm. started a new business. I started a podcast. I joined a mastermind of incredible women. I had an intervention with Tony freaking Robbins in front of 9 ,000 people. Like my life has changed so much in the last five years. And those changes, many of them came about because I had to let...

go of what was. In the last five years I lost my mom. I didn't want that change.

Christine Gale (10:37.195)
I wish she was still here.

Christine Gale (10:41.658)
I really miss her. I miss being able to pick up the phone of having that person in my corner of just knowing she's on this planet breathing this air. I didn't want that change. I didn't want the multiple surgeries I've had in the last couple of years. Those were hard changes.

What is going on in your life? What changes are happening? Did you lose a job? Did your relationship come to an end? Are you facing a diagnosis that you don't want?

Are you being challenged in ways that are unwelcome?

What is it for you? For me, I feel like I am on the cusp of some major changes in my life. I don't know all the details. It's just a feeling that I'm having. And there are certain things I can see that are changing and unfolding, and so many of them, they're really freaking exciting. And they're terrifying and uncertain.

So I have a choice. When I'm faced with changes, I can fight it. I can push back against it. I can get better.

Christine Gale (12:08.118)
I can allow myself to get depressed.

Or I can reckon with those changes. And as one of my friends recently said to me, where's the gift in that? Can you find the gift?

because you can always find the gift. Sometimes you have to look a little harder and you have to wade through a little bit more, but you can always find the gifts in the changes. And so part of why I titled this episode Rebirth and Reckoning is because it's fall. It's a season I generally fight because I love me some summer.

and I don't like the cold and so I have a hard time resisting, I have a hard time accepting autumn with evens and smells and candles and pumpkins and all that's great. But I decided this year, I wanna take this opportunity of this change in seasons, this pause that I had due to my hysterectomy and I wanna do some reflection and I wanna decide how I'm gonna handle.

even something as small as a seasonal change that I've allowed in the past to really jack my joy. I said, Jack, hi Jack, one of the two, both of them probably. I have allowed even the seasonal changes to so upend me that I get off my axis and I lose focus on what really matters. So it could be a small change you're resisting. It could be a big change that you're resisting.

Christine Gale (13:50.03)
But here's the thing, remember that first part? That rebirth word. This entire month we are gonna be talking about our E words. What do I mean by our E words? Okay, so I found an old journal, if you're on YouTube you'll see it. It's an old journal of mine because I was looking for it and I remembered that I had written out one time, I don't recall quite why, but I had written out our E words.

And I just kind of became a little bit obsessed with RE words. I don't know why, but does it really matter? I just am. And so we're going to be talking a lot about RE words because to me, RE means you get another chance. You get to invent. I'm trying to avoid using the RE word. How can I say this? RE means you get a do -over.

you get to actively engage in whatever it is you're attaching RE to. So let me give you some examples. Refresh, renew, restore, revitalize, recreate, renovate, regain, reconstruct, replenish, regenerate, reclaim, reanimate. There's a word for you. How about we reanimate?

our dreams. How about we breathe life back into our dreams. Summer's come to an end. Mel Robbins had a podcast recently where she was like, I am absolutely exhausted. This summer has about killed me. It's been great, but I'm exhausted. Now it's time to take a pause, take a breath and re -enter. There's another R -A -N, R -E -word, re -enter systems and strategies and tools and plans and dreams.

So I chose the word rebirth intentionally.

Christine Gale (15:49.186)
because this time of year gives you an opportunity.

to birth yourself again, whatever version of you that might be. Let's say you're coming out of a divorce. I've helped several women across the finish line of their divorces in the last month. And that is like the ultimate rebirth of a woman because she has an opportunity now to define herself completely in terms of her own. Maybe it's not that major. Maybe you're coming out of a health crisis like for me.

I'm looking at my life right now as a rebirth of my dreams coming out of this hysterectomy, because that was a major pause. I had to really put the brakes on. I don't get to do my regular exercise. I can't get in my pool, my hot tub, my rhythms, my routines, the things that ground me. I've had to just let it all rest. And so now,

Did I want that change? Do I want these six scars and this aching and this weirdness of my body? No. Do I want these relentless hot flashes? Girl, no. Hell no. These are, even as I say it, as soon as I say it, if you love Facebook, you'll see her. If you're on YouTube, you'll see me flat. I'm fanning myself because even if I say this, I'm having a hot flash. But it's all about your mindset when it comes to change.

I'm not here, like some episodes I'll you the five steps to this or the seven steps to that or the three steps to this. Girl, I don't have any like steps to this dealing with change that you never wanted. Maybe they'll come out at the end, but I'm not thinking about them right now. What I am thinking about and what I want to share with you is when changes come that you don't want.

Christine Gale (17:48.736)
Reckon with them And what that means is you sit in the change and you don't resist it and you don't run away from it and you don't Get bitter about it You reckon with it you engage with it you dance with it you inquire about it you look for the gifts in it and Then you take the next step and you choose to allow

that change to be the conduit for your rebirth. Whether it's your rebirth as a woman who's not married, it's your rebirth as a woman without a uterus, that'd be me. I don't know, maybe that's just me. Maybe you're rebirthing yourself as a business owner because you lost your job, or maybe you left your job and now you're creating a new path. You've got to rebirth some dreams.

Christine Gale (18:50.498)
Or maybe you're driving home from dropping that child off at college and as much as your mama heart is so proud and happy for them and so grateful that they've arrived at this place they've worked so hard for. You are torn apart inside and you feel off your axis.

It's your time, sister, to start designing for yourself what's next. It's your time to get intentional about creating a life you really freaking love, even if it looks different than you ever imagined. Even if it's not what you wanted, what you chose, what you invited in, it's here. It's here and you get to choose.

You get to be an active participant in your damn life because you get one shot at this life. This last week, I went down to visit my granny Gail, my granny in law. She's a hundred and freaking two and she's in the end stages of her life. And as I'm sitting there with her and I'm thinking about what her life meant, you know what word really stuck out to me is contentment. And that woman

had so many reasons to lack contentment and grace. She lost her husband at a young age, just died of a heart attack.

She raised four children in a tiny little house. She worked so hard to help put food on the table to give them stability and familial loyalty and memories.

Christine Gale (20:39.212)
And I don't know all of the things she went through or all of the things that she has suffered or all the things she's risen above. But what I do know is she lived a life of gratitude and contentment because you can't fake that. And it got me thinking.

Life is going to throw changes at us. It got me thinking, what am I going to do? How am I going to react? How am I gonna show up for my life? If you are that mama who just dropped off a kid at college, how are you gonna show up for them in your new role as parenting an adult child? Because believe me, he or she, they're watching you.

They want you to be not just okay, they want you to thrive. They want you to know that you are creating a beautiful life apart from them because that frees them up to live their life, to build their dreams, to pursue their goals.

If you're that person who is starting a business and you've got so much uncertainty, you don't have to go it alone. You're rebirthing this dream. Don't do it alone. Get into a community. Come join our Facebook community. Share what you're going through. Be willing to show up. Be willing to be honest. Be willing to be raw. And I've said this in the past and I'll say it again. If you're really, really struggling, please don't think of this as some like, just buck up a little camper.

I don't mean it that way. I don't mean to be flippant and I don't mean to be hard. I mean to be passionate because I've gone through this and I'm going through this even as I record this changes are afoot.

Christine Gale (22:25.442)
Get help if you need it, get professional help if you need it. Find a counselor and find a tribe. A couple episodes ago I said, become the she you're seeking. Now is the time, sister, for you to become the she that you're seeking. Become the person you wanna draw into your life and then build a beautiful tribe. Join an online community. It doesn't have to be that complicated.

because I guarantee you there are millions of women out there looking for connection with women like you, including the community that I'm creating at Girl Out of Order.

Christine Gale (23:05.038)
So what are you going through? What changes are happening that you don't want, that you didn't expect? Are you willing to show up for your life? Are you willing to reckon with those changes? And instead of pushing hard to get through it, push, push, push, how about you pull? How about you dance? How about you engage? How about you journal?

Pray, meditate, give yourself a gift of time alone. What fuels you? What juices you? What calms you? What gives you creativity? What helps you feel more alive? Because you know what, sister? Maybe you can't even remember the last time you asked that dang question. So these changes that are happening in your life give you an opportunity to rebirth that voice inside you that says, hey, I matter. I don't just matter.

I am worth investing in. You invested in yourself by showing up today.

So are you ready to reckon with changes, no matter what they are? Because trust me, if you're not going through something right now, it's coming. Because change is the one inevitable in life.

And so don't just reckon, get active and look at it as an opportunity to rebirth yourself. An opportunity, what was that word? I'm looking in my journal here again. What was that word? Ooh, I love it. Reanimation.

Christine Gale (24:43.96)
Changes sometimes bring us to our knees. But we get an opportunity in those changes and often because of those changes to reanimate parts of ourselves that we actually thought were long dead or dormant. So I'm inviting you to welcome the changes. I am inviting you to reckon, to rebirth those dreams and to reanimate.

Whatever it is, it's gonna light you up. Because sisters, this world needs what only you can provide. We are so in this together. Changes are inevitable and changes are coming. And changes provide some of the best opportunities for growth you will ever, ever have. I love you. Keep working hard and keep being.