Girl Out of Order Podcast

#75 - S.elf-Acceptance - Loving the Mess In the Mirror - Do You Know Who S.H.E. I.S.? Series

Christine Gale

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do." – Brené Brown

Hey there, sister! Welcome back to the Do You Know Who She Is? series, where we're diving deep into personal growth and self-reflection as we enter the final quarter of 2024. In this episode, I we talk about the genesis of the Girl Out of Order podcast, why I started it 3 1/2 years ago. The life-giving focus on self-acceptance has become a lifeline for me during some of my most challenging times. From battling the "shitty committee" in our minds to breaking free from the molds that never fit us, this podcast became a space for self-acceptance and empowerment—not just for me, but for all of us.

In this episode, we’ll explore what it truly means to own your story, love the woman in the mirror, and embrace self-acceptance as the foundation for living a life of alignment and purpose. We, as women, frequently battle feelings of "being too much" and yet "never enough". But most importantly, we’ll talk about why falling in love with your flaws is the key to becoming the woman you were always meant to be. Get ready to reflect on your own journey as we navigate how to finish 2024 strong and step into the new year with confidence, clarity, and self-love.

Join the October Recalibration & Connection Challenge and grow alongside our Girl Out of Order community! Complete the challenge for a chance to win a virtual ticket to our Own Your Worth event.

xoxo--Christine

[3:05] - The genesis of Girl Out of Order and how it became a lifeline
[7:30] - Breaking free from the pressure to fit into a mold that doesn’t serve you
[12:45] - Why self-acceptance is the foundation of growth and identity
[20:22] - The power of owning your story, flaws and all
[28:10] - A personal story about overcoming harsh criticism and staying grounded
[35:00] - The importance of mirror work: Looking into your own eyes and affirming your worth
[42:18] - How embracing your "mess" can lead to a life of contribution, not compromise

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Christine Gale (00:01)
Hey there sister, welcome back to the Do You Know Who She Is? series. I started this series because I needed a recalibration of my own identity three quarters of the way through 2024. I just felt the need to reassess the need to, as I said in the previous episode,

to take things back down to the studs a little bit to pull things apart to look at where I've been where I've gone what I've done what I haven't done and to really reevaluate where I'm going and kind of decide if I'm living in alignment with who I am and who I am creating

And so I started this series with the acronym, She Is, because I wanted to share with you my own journey. Girl Out of Order. Well, I created her three years ago. No, three and a half. It gets to been three and a half years ago. Out of a desire for a place for me. I have no idea back when I started this in 2021 why I was

actually creating this podcast. was going through talk about taking it back down to the studs. Let me just tell you a little bit about the genesis of the Girl Out of Order podcast. I started on April 1st of 2021 and I had just, I guess I would have been running my own law firm for I guess four months at that, not even four months at that point. And we were in the middle of this global pandemic and

I really didn't have the bandwidth for one more freaking thing. I mean, I was maxed out. I was so stressed starting a snooze law firm, trying to figure out how to run virtual court, virtual trials, deal with the difficulty and the pain and the anxiety from the law firm breakup, from leaving where I had been. Just massive, massive, and I say massive, massive, I mean massive amounts of insecurity.

And what my coaches has termed affectionately a shitty committee running my brain telling me that I wasn't good at this and I couldn't do that. And who do you think you are? And I remember just almost starting Girl Out of Order as a lifeline. a, could fallen overboard of the cruise ship and I was literally feeling like I might drown. And Girl Out of Order was this life preserver.

that I threw to myself. And I created this podcast and this community because I knew that if I was struggling with fully embracing my unique self and trying to, I guess I got, I'm not explaining this very clearly, so I'm gonna take another run at it. I came to the end of myself because I was so tired of trying to fit into this mold I was never designed for.

And I realized that I had spent the majority of my life doing that and I was so freaking done with it. And opening this law firm was almost, it was almost like the, I don't want to say the straw that broke the camel's back because honestly, nothing really broke. I just got to the point where I said, that's enough. I am so tired of living.

and trying to meet a standard that was just never meant for me. I needed to create a place where I could express my love and acceptance of my beautiful self. And I thought if I did that in the form of a podcast, what if other women found in this podcast a safe place where they're like, huh, I never really thought about that. I guess I don't really live.

fully accepting myself. Every day get up, I'm measuring myself against somebody else's standard. And so that's where Girl Out of Order came from. And so this series, while it may seem similar to what we've been doing, it's really about recalibrating. It's about stepping back and reassessing where you're at.

This is our last quarter of 2024. And I got a piano since the first year I've ever really looked really hard at my ear in terms of quarters, as far as personal growth goes. And I felt like with my hysterectomy and some personal challenges here and the loss of my granny, really has made me very contemplative. Or I just want to like look back and say, all right.

I've done a lot this year and I've had a lot of really intentional and some unintentional pauses. And so how do I want to structure the last quarter of my year? How do I want to finish strong? How do I want to feel proud? Or actually, what do I want to feel at the end of this year? How do I want to end 2025? What kind of woman do I want to be? How do I want to feel? How do I want to think?

And so this series is really as much for me as it is for you. Cause remember this is a come along with me podcast where we really just talk about life and identity and mindset and how can we live a beautiful life in the midst of challenges that are going to come.

And as I'm recording this, I am so mindful of the fact that our world is really, really hurting. And so the world, more than ever before, needs grounded, confident, grace-filled, growth-minded, open-hearted women. The world needs us, sisters. The world desperately needs

Girls out of order who are not going to fold in the face of challenges, who are not gonna dim their light in the face of other people being a little put off because we're shining brightly. We need to be beacons of positivity and encouragement and connection and bridging the divide. Even the divide between other women is, well, let me say that a different way, especially bridging the divide.

between other women because right now, whether you're looking at what's going on in Israel or you're looking at what has happened to the incredible people in the mountains of North Carolina, or you're talking about our political divide, there's so much division that the more grounded and aligned and confident and

and other focused we can be the better. Now, what did I just say? I said other focused. Now, isn't that interesting that I would use that word when I'm talking about self-acceptance? And it just slipped right off my tongue. So I want to peel the layers back because the first letter we're talking about in the, do you know who she is series is S for self-acceptance. And that's why I sort of started by talking about

Why did I create Girl Out of Order? It's because I didn't want to try to continue to try to be somebody. was never designed because I was unsatisfied or ashamed or just uncomfortable with who I really am. And so I use that phrase at the end, other focused, because when you're content with who you are,

and you really feel comfortable in your skin and you feel aligned with your values, that other focus that I just talked about, it's a natural outgrowth because it comes in the form of contribution, not in the form of compromise. Let me say that again. When you are aligned with your true self and you fully accept

who you are, flaws and all, and you love the way that you were made, the other focus shows up in the form of contribution, not compromise. You see, my whole life, up until a few years ago, I have lived in the tension and I wish I was speaking to a room filled with women because I know I'd get a lot of amens and arms raise.

but I have lived in the tension of believing that I was just simply too much. Girl, you are too loud. You talk too much. You have too many opinions. You are too bold. And as one of my high school track coaches said, he told me when he screamed at me and told me to sit down, you prima donna, you're too arrogant. You're too bold. You're too proud. You have too much self-promotion.

Boy, there's a lot of pain even in my tone, isn't there? Because underneath all of that, sister, I lived with the belief that no matter what I did, how much I achieved, how much money I made, I would never, ever, ever be enough.

Can you relate to that? Living in that tension of feeling like you're just, I'm just too much. Why did I say that? Why did I spend that?

Why? Why am I too much?

I know they really can't stand me, they're just pretending. Can you relate?

And then on the other hand, I won that case, but man, I should have done this. I'm never going to be smart enough. Darn it. I'm never going to be prepared enough. If you're like me and you struggle with ADD, I'm never going to be organized enough. I'll never be on top and I'll be early enough. It is debilitating to live in that tension. And so do you want to know who she is or do you want to create who she is? Let's talk about it that way. Well then.

You have to have self-acceptance. Our Empower words for this week come from the great Brene Brown, and I do quote her a lot because I feel like she and her mission is different as we think about certain things. Her mission is very similar to mine. And I love the way she shares her raw and vulnerable journey because we learn so much and because she teaches as she lives. the Empower words are...

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do.

It's the bravest thing we'll ever do.

So we need to own our stories and we need to love ourselves. Love the self that is in that story. So the title for today's message is self-acceptance, loving the mess in the mirror. And I hesitated with that subtitle because I didn't want to use the word mess in the mirror because I didn't want to project some kind of negative

negative metaphor, word, picture, whatever you want to call it. But the reason I left it in is because I feel like it's very authentic for a lot of women. We do feel like hot messes, right? And we actually joke about it. you're such a hot mess. I'm such a hot mess. my gosh, I'm such a hot mess. And there's an element of truth to that where we genuinely feel like I'm really MMS. And if anybody could ever actually see what goes on inside my brain or inside my home.

or inside my checkbook, or God forbid inside my pantry, they would know I'm an absolute mess. And so I chose the subtitle because so many of us feel that way. And I chose that subtitle because I don't want to change the woman in the mirror necessarily. I just want you to fall in love with her. I want you to want to protect her.

I want you to want to help her grow. I want you to have a fierce desire to advocate for her and see the beauty in her. Because without self-acceptance, your identity isn't going to lead to a compelling life.

Because when we talk about our identity, it isn't a fixed proposition, sisters. Your identity isn't just something you're given at birth, although there is an element of you and how you were designed. I don't know if you're familiar with the Enneagram or other personality tools. I personally am obsessed with the Enneagram and it has helped me to understand my daughters because we all took it as a family. And understanding

how you were designed and what your natural tendencies are is so important to helping you understand how you were meant to show up in the world, but it doesn't mean that it's fixed. It doesn't mean that it doesn't change because we get to create our identities, correct? Think about that. The woman that I was at 19 is so different, not because of the passage of time, but because I have created a beautiful life.

of intentional living and the woman I've especially created in the last three years is vastly different than the woman I was 10 years ago. Because even though I embrace my natural tendencies because I love and I'm fiercely actually kind of passionate about, I'm sort of obsessed with my superpowers, I still get to create for myself an identity

moving forward and manifest a life that I really freaking love. So self-acceptance, what it is, it's about embracing who you are. Flaws and all. So when I say fall in love with the mess in the mirror, I mean fall in love with where you are and who you are because that is the foundation to growth.

That is the foundation to creation. And so when you own your entire story without judgment, then you start to be able to go back and pull out the magic that is woven in the story of your life. That means the magic that happened when you made your biggest mistake. That means the magic that happened when you had your mountaintop experience. That means the magic that happened because

You are you because you are designed as you were meant to be.

So what I want to help you do is I want to help you get free from the self-flagellation, from the beating yourself up, from the feeling like you're not enough, that you're insignificant, that you're too much and you're never gonna be enough, and the things that we do to ourselves daily to beat ourselves up.

And I haven't arrived, sister. I'm on that road with you. I suffered from years of depression and anxiety and insomnia.

years of missed opportunities and broken relationships because I did not accept myself. I tried to force her into a box she was never designed to fit in and to do that I had to chisel my edges and throw some things out of joint in order to contort myself into that ugly old box because somebody else said that's how I should be.

And I had an experience this last week that really took me back down to some of my, I'm just gonna say old patterns, because I don't wanna say dark place, because it really didn't kick me into a dark place, but it really stopped me in my tracks and caused me to do some major self-reflection. I had a difficult interaction with somebody that I'm serving right now who said some really terrible things to me.

And the terrible things that she said, said cut me so deeply to my core, to my core insecurities that I'm a fake, I'm a fraud, that I don't measure up. Believe the words were that I'm in over my head that I am not an advocate for women, which is my passion. You are my passion. And so to hear that from somebody,

who I am advocating for, it was really painful. And I understand it was cruel and that person's in pain. I also understand that it's not true.

just because I understand that it's not true doesn't mean that it didn't wound me. Doesn't mean that it didn't spike the shitty committee that came flying in with blah, blah, blah, blah, all the blabbers in my head telling me that I'll never measure up, that I'll never follow through, that I don't keep my word, that I'm not cut out for this. It's really hard.

when those old patterns and those old messages come flooding in and you want to throw in the towel and be like, well, I guess I'm just not all I thought I would be, so maybe I should just quit.

I'm a human being and I have those insecurities too. But here's the difference. A few years ago, that would have wrecked me. Maybe even a year ago, because I had a similar situation a year ago. And it did wreck me. It took me down really deep for a long time. And I believed those lies even though I told myself they weren't true.

But I'm not doing that anymore because I love myself. She's not perfect. Girl, let me tell you, there are days when I just want to cry because I don't meet my own standards. But what I've done different, and this is what I'm inviting you to do different, is when you don't meet your goals, don't let it define your personhood.

When you don't reach all the standards you set for yourself, don't choose to allow that to determine your worth.

Because if we meet all our standards and we meet all our goals, where do we have to go next? But more importantly.

We need to live as courageous women in the light, women that know our truth, that know our worth, and that will not allow ourselves to be beaten up by the world, beaten up by others, beaten up sometimes by our own impossible standards of perfection.

So what did I do when this happened? Well, I gotta tell you, and this is my invitation for you this week as we wrap up.

I've heard about mirror work and I've done it a couple times, but I was like, yeah, you know, it felt a little woo woo to me. Well, this week I woke up with so much anxiety and beating myself up believing that maybe some of those lies they do like to creep in while we sleep, don't they? So I got up and a little bit early, it was a little dark and I went in my bathroom and I just

looked into my beautiful eyes in the mirror and I forced myself to look into my own eyes for just 60 seconds. And I'm inviting you to do that this week just once. Give it a try. Maybe two or three times if you can. And look into your beautiful eyes.

and study yourself and say beautiful things to yourself because that's what I did. I told myself, are worthy. You are limitless. You are enough. You are exactly the right amount. You were designed exactly the way you were supposed to be. You are growing. You are evolving. You are changing. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are resilient. You are determined.

And you are a fierce advocate for women. And I looked into my eyes in the mirror and I accepted myself yet again.

So do you want to know who she is? You have to start with self-acceptance. It is the foundation, sisters, to any identity creation or living into your true identity. If you do not have self-acceptance, if you are always looking around and looking about for somebody else's standard to measure up to, you're barking up the wrong tree.

You're not going to have as compelling of a life as you deserve.

So this week, would you agree to look into the mirror, to look into your own eyes and to pour love over yourself, pour beauty over yourself? Give yourself those loving, kind, life-giving words that you so freely give to others for just 60 seconds. Are you worth it?

Yes, you absolutely are. That's the short answer. And so am I. So if you go about this week and somebody says some things to you that hurt, that wound, that maybe cut to the core of some of your insecurities the way I had to deal with this last week.

Be prepared. Be prepared because if it doesn't happen this week, it's going to happen at some point. But if you are living in full self-acceptance, if you truly and genuinely believe who you are is so exactly how it's supposed to be, then you will treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You will know that you're on your journey.

of discovering your truest self and fully embracing your unique value. Because sister, the world needs what only we can provide. Only you, only me. I love you. We're in this together. So please look in the mirror this week. Don't forget. And if you would be so kind.

as to share this message. It be such a beautiful gift. And if you'd please leave us a review, help us grow the Girl Out of Order podcasting community. And don't forget to dial into our community for the October recalibration and connection challenge because we are growing the Girl Out of Order community dog on it. We are going to grow this community. We are going to double in size in the next couple months, but we need your help. And while you're on the journey of

figuring out who she is, why not take a little small two millimeter shift each day with your community so that you can grow, you can recalibrate alongside me because I know I'm gonna be doing that and I will see you in that community every day for the next 25 days until the end of this month. You can win and own your worth virtual ticket if you complete this challenge. So why wouldn't you wanna do it? I mean, what have you got to lose?

You have everything to gain. And I will see you next time. Have a beautiful week.