#85 - Do Your Needs Fuel Your Fulfillment? Designing Your Destiny Series Pt. 1

In this kickoff episode of our 3-part series, Designing Your Destiny, we dive right into the deep end of what drives you at your core—how you prioritize your 6 human needs. Drawing on my transformative experiences with Tony Robbins’ Date with Destiny, we walk through the 6 primary needs that shape your decisions, emotions, and relationships. This isn’t just theory; it’s about practical strategies to help you break free from limiting patterns and design a life of growth, love, and purpose.
Understanding the impact of how I prioritize my human needs has literally transformed the way I show up in and for my 1 beautiful life. I want the same for you!
We explore how needs like certainty, significance, and love can either empower you or keep you stuck in a cycle of fear and frustration. My own journey of shifting from a life ruled by certainty to one fueled by growth and connection gives you insight into how these shifts in focus can open up a life you've always dreamed of. This week is all about reflection and awareness—laying the foundation for the next steps in your journey toward a life of passion and purpose.
Take some time this week to reflect on your top 2 human needs—what drives you and how those needs are showing up in your life. Share your thoughts with me through DM's or email, and don’t forget to leave a review to help grow our Girl Out of Order community.
**Big announcements** are coming next week, including details on our Who Are You, Really? Mastermind launching in February! Until then, keep being a Girl Out of Order and savor this last week before Christmas! ❤️ xoxo--Christine

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Transcript

Girl Out Of Order (00:01.346)
Hey there, sister. Welcome back to the Girl Out of Water podcast. I am actually just cracking up as I started to record this because the series that we are in is a three part series. And the first episode is about our human needs, the things that drive us. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So let me pull it back in and start from the beginning.

I just finished a six day, full immersion in Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny. And if you've been with me for any length of time, you know this is not the first time, it's not the second time, but it's actually my third experience with Date with Destiny. In 2022, we had a two and a half hour intervention that rocked my world. Tony Robbins...

through his incredible skill and love and compassion and power took me down to my studs and helped me really start to put together and design a life of my dreams from the inside out. In 2023, I was a crew member serving in room 39, these amazing humans walking that same path of date with destiny. And then just last week, we concluded

our second time as participants and I say our because I did date with Destiny alongside my husband Sean for the second time and it was a radically different experience. So next level and you might be wondering why are you sharing that with me? I wasn't at date with Destiny. How does this apply to my life? Aha, I have great news for you. It absolutely applies to your life because for the next three weeks you my sisters have a date with your.

Destiny. That's right. I am going to pull back the curtains on some of I mean, there's no way I could encapsulate Date with Destiny in small, know, bite sized podcasts. What I'm going to do is pull back the curtain on what I believe are some of the most transformative parts of Date with Destiny, the things that I am learning, the things that are helping me grow and the things I know are going to help you slingshot with

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ferocity and passion and excitement and positivity into 2025. So for the next three weeks, buckle up sisters, because we are going on a ride towards your destiny. And I am so excited to bring you along with me. Because remember at Girl Out of Order, it's a come along with me adventure. It's not me speaking down from on high to you. It's me saying, hey,

This is what I'm learning. This is what's helping me grow. And if it helps somebody out there, it's just that much more fulfilling. So ready to go? I know you are because at Grill Out of Order, we don't just tickle our ears, right? We have practical tools, tips, strategies to help you take your life to the next level in all areas because that's...

One of my biggest takeaways from this last date with Destiny is how to improve my life in every single area by focusing on a few key parts of transformative growth. So if you're ready to go, take a deep breath and exhale and put your hands on your beautiful heart. I want you to feel that heart.

beating inside your powerful chest, giving you life, giving you breath, giving you the ability to be passionate, giving you the ability to love, to serve, to grow.

Your heart is the fuel of your life.

Girl Out Of Order (04:12.49)
Our power words for this week come from, of course, the big man Tony Robbins. He says the quality of your life is equal to the quality of our emotions and our emotions come from our focus where focus goes, energy flows, right? So this week we are talking about what are the needs that drive you every day?

And we're going to end it with a beautiful tool to help you start applying what I'm going to be teaching you. OK, what I'm teaching you is 100 % Tony Robbins teaching. So I'm not claiming any ownership of it. I am not claiming it as my own. But what I am doing is I'm going to tell you how it has transformed my life and the life of so many people that I have been privileged to interact with.

But let me start off with just referencing back what I said at the very beginning of how amazing God and the universe are when you wanna do something. Tony Robbins says, if you wanna make God laugh, tell her your plans, right? So I'm like, I'm teach on these six human needs and how I've moved from this one that was keeping me stuck and then I couldn't get my microphone to work and I've gotta be at court. And I'm thinking to myself, well,

The old, what would the old Christine do? Well, the old Christine who was wed to our first of the six human needs, which is certainty. The old Christine would have been pretty pissed off. She would have been like, figures, this sucks. Can't get this done. Nothing's going to happen. Why does this always happen to me? would, sorry for the yelling. If I'm yelling, I don't mean to yell, but it's interesting because the old Christine would not have been interested, would not have smiled.

would not have thought, well, there's there's something I can be learning from this. And if you can hear my grand dog barking, just that's life. It's just going to roll with it. So the first human need that Tony teaches is certainty. And when you first hear that word, what does that stir up in you? Are you like, well, duh, of course, every human wants certainty. We want to know what's going to happen because that gives us

Girl Out Of Order (06:34.754)
Peace, right? That keeps us safe. But what I've come to understand and what Tony teaches is that the value or excuse me, the need of certainty really, if it's very high in your list becomes a prison that entraps you. It becomes the cage that keeps you from flying. It becomes that demand on you that forces you to dim your light when you're born to shine, sisters.

And so for me this morning, like I want to, I know I had this much time. I'm going to do this and I've got it on my heart and I want to speak when I'm in state and blah, blah, blah. And then God's like, I'm just not going to let your microphone work and let's see what you do with that. And then the new Christine who is embracing uncertainty and variety, which is our second human need thought, well, isn't this interesting? Carissa Kutas, KK, who used to teach Unleash Your Power Within. One of my

greatest mentors in this personal growth journey. She would say this phrase and it always makes me laugh because I can hear her in my head. Wonderful, wonderful. What an opportunity. And I thought wonderful, wonderful. What an opportunity to share with my listeners that even those little tiny things that happen can spike and remind us of a need that might be a little too high in our focus.

And before we move on to uncertainty, uncertainty, uncertainty.

Girl Out Of Order (08:06.713)
it actually stopped working again. I'm dying. I mean, come on, you have to laugh with me. That's just funny. I literally bumped my microphone and it stopped working right in the middle of what I was gonna be reading to you about the need of certainty. again,

Wonderful. wonderful. What an opportunity anyway, so the need of certainty what Tony Robbins teaches and I'm just gonna read it because I don't want to Paraphrase it for you because he says it so perfectly everybody wants stability about their basic necessities food shelter and other material resources When people cannot control listen to the sisters their physical circumstances are you sick? Are you going through a divorce?

Are you having stress at work? When you can't control your physical circumstances, you might seek certainty through a state of mind. Remember, I talked about the quality of our life is equal to the quality of our emotions. When we focus on a state that holds tight to certainty, what kind of beautiful, full, vibrant life are you gonna have? Maybe not so great. However,

Everybody has these six human needs. It's just a matter of where they are in your hierarchy and how much energy you give to certainty. Because the old Christine, especially when it came to my marriage, you all know if you've been with me for a while, we've been through a lot of difficulty in our marriage, including infidelity and lying and recovering from that. And the old Christine would get so focused on trying to make sure he wasn't doing this or he was doing that.

that I didn't have any energy or bandwidth or what we call white space to build a beautiful life because I was so worried about trying to fix, manage and control everything over here. So where are you at with certainty? Are you trying to control your external circumstances through internal mindsets and focus? How's that working for you? Where is that on your need list? Let's go to number two, uncertainty and variety.

Girl Out Of Order (10:11.203)
People have a need to change their state, to exercise their body and their emotions. Therefore, they seek variety through a number of means, stimuli, change of scene, physical activity, mood swings, entertainment, food, sex, et cetera. Okay, so the need for variety and uncertainty, for some of us, we might be like, yeah, what's the next adventure? And then there's other of us like me where I'm like, I don't know, I'm getting tip toe in. I think about...

It's interesting because I am such a certainty girl or excuse me, let me phrase that. This is a good learning lesson. I was such a certainty girl. And as I started to study uncertainty and variety, I realized I have a lot more of a craving for and enjoyment of variety and uncertainty. And that can show up in so many beautiful ways. I laugh at my husband. He likes adventure.

but he will tip toe in a pool so gradually that I'm like, bro, I'm done swimming by the time you get in. Whereas me, I'm like full blown cannonball. Variety and uncertainty can show up in so many ways. It's usually quite present in entrepreneurs and investors and people who are starting businesses, people who are just the life of the party. They're like, yes, let's go. Let's bring the energy. I would invite you to ask yourself, are you willing to enjoy life?

even if it's unpredictable, even if you don't know what's happening next, maybe even creating a little bit of that variety and uncertainty. Just this last weekend, actually a couple days ago, our second daughter got engaged. It's so exciting, but holy shit, the uncertainty and the variety and the surprises. And what I find is when you embrace uncertainty and variety, you get this beautiful dopamine spike that

really juices you and makes you so grateful and aware. And frankly, wanting more. And so uncertainty and variety is a beautiful need. I'm going to fly through the rest of these just in the interest of brevity. Number three is significance. And that's what the way everybody needs to feel special and important in some way. People will seek significance through obtaining recognition from others or from themselves. When people feel insignificant.

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They may make themselves feel significant by getting angry, which I never thought about that, but that is actually a way that we make ourselves feel significant. Others might try to feel significant to the size or complexity of their problems. All right, real talk here. Does anybody have a martyr in their life? Or if you're looking in the mirror, are you seeing a martyr? Because martyrdom is tied so integrally.

I've fumbled over that word. It's tied to significance that need to feel special and important. And it may come up as like, nevermind. What was me? Don't worry about me. I'm good over here. Ask yourself, where is significance on your scale of six human needs? Number four, connection and love. That's self evident. I don't need to dive into that. But the one thing Tony does teach is that we often sacrifice love.

for connection and that might show up in, you know, getting deeply involved in certain relationships that maybe aren't filling your love tank, but might make you feel connected to another human. says humans have a need to feel connected with someone or something. So it's not just a people, a person, an ideal, a value, a habit, or a sense of identity. Connection may take the form of love.

Or it may be created by a sense of belonging. Are you belonging to a tribe? Do you have a bunch of girlfriends that you love to go out with that can also feed that beautiful need for love and connection? Like any of the six human needs, people can fulfill their need for connection and love in both positive and negative ways. I don't think I have to spell out the ways that the need for love and connection can show up negatively in the life of a woman. How many times have we

denied our deepest values and desires to not lose the love of somebody or to feel a momentary connection with somebody, perhaps physically. And we've dimmed or dulled that inner voice that's saying, don't freaking do that. So ask yourself, where does love and connection come on your scale? And the last two are tied together. Their growth is number five.

Girl Out Of Order (14:46.891)
and contribution is number six. Tony teaches that growth and contribution are those elevated needs, the higher needs, the ones that usually come after a lot of growth in your life, a lot of personal work, a lot of deeper awareness, spiritual connection. What he says about growth is everything is either growing or you can probably fill that in. I'm thinking of the Lorax my girls listening. Everything grows and then we let it die, let it die.

Let it shrivel up and die. If you haven't seen the lore, I actually probably think I sound like a complete goofball. Maybe you think that anyway, but this always makes me think of that. So it says, it doesn't matter how much money you have, how many people acknowledge you or what you have achieved. Unless you feel like you're growing, you will be unhappy and fulfilled. You can have your love tank filled. You can feel significant. But sister, if you're not actually growing,

in key pivotal areas of your life, you will be left wanting, you will be left feeling unfulfilled. So I ask you, what are you doing to grow? What are you feeding your mind, body and spirit with? That's how we grow. We fill up with the things that take us to that next level. We surround ourselves with people who are growing. We get in connection to our creator, however you may define that concept.

And then the last one is contribution. We all have a deep need to go beyond ourselves and live a life that serves the greater good. Tony says contribution is the ultimate secret to the joy so many people wish they had in their lives. Tony says the secret to living is giving and it doesn't mean you're writing checks, although that's part of it. It means you're contributing to making things better, to making relationships better, to making

environments better to making your job better. You're contributing with what you have to give inside your gifts, your skills, your abilities, your personality, your mindset. What are you doing to make this world a better place? That's how we take our life to the next level. Now I said at the beginning, we were going to talk about the primary question, but I realized in the interest of time, I'm going to cut this one a little bit shorter.

Girl Out Of Order (17:07.979)
So thank you for your patience on that, but you're wanna tune in next week because I am going to dive into the primary question. I really feel like it needs an episode of its own. As I started to talk about these six human needs, I realized very quickly that until you really have done the introspection on what are the needs that are driving you, making you make certain decisions, helping you.

You understand the way you work. How do you show up in life until you understand where those top two, because focus on the top two. What are your top two six human needs? When I first started date with Destiny, it was security and significance. That does not lead or certainly certainty and significance not lead to a beautiful life. It leads to a caged life. It leads to an insecure life. It leads to destructive parts of your relationships.

And so I've shifted over the years. And right now my top two needs, happy to say this, is love and connection and growth. And I'm leaning more into that. And I'm looking at the world through those lenses of love and connection. How can I be more loving? How can I be more connected to my relationships?

How can I grow? What areas do I need to evaluate? What changes do I need to make to have the best, most beautiful, fulfilling life I possibly can? So that's your first stop on your date with destiny for the next three weeks. My takeaway for you this week is to evaluate what are your top two of those six human needs? Certainty, uncertainty and variety, significance, love and connection, growth.

and contribution. Take some time to journal this week. Figure out what drives me. What makes me tick? What makes me rock and roll? What lights me up? What scares me? And then we're going to come back next week and we're going to dive into the new primary question or excuse me to the primary question that is driving you at your core. Comes from understanding these six human needs. So do the work, give yourself this gift and I'm going to see you next week.

Girl Out Of Order (19:19.321)
And I'm going to give you a little teaser. Next week, we have a huge, huge, huge announcement about a start date at the beginning of February for our amazing, amazing Identity Mastermind. I can't wait to share that with you. I can't wait to invite you in. 2025 is my year of expansion, sisters. It's going to be so exciting. And I want you along for the journey. So I will see you next week.

Please hit me up in my DMs or email me. Let me know what you're thinking about your six human needs. I would love to get your feedback and I would love it if you would leave us a review so we can grow the Girl Out of Order community. Big changes are on the horizon. My 2025 is gonna rock, baby. How about yours? In the meantime, please keep being a Girl Out of Order and enjoy this last week before Christmas. I will see you next time.