#101 - From Clearance to Priceless - Owning Your Worth with Kara Vaval of the Laptop Lawyer Lifestyle

"You'll never know what you're truly made of if you stay in a situation that forces you to dim your light."  Kara Vaval - Laptop Lawyer Lifestyle

Have you ever felt stuck in a life that no longer fits who you are? In this powerful episode, I sit down with the unstoppable Kara Vaval—lawyer, coach, author, and unapologetic powerhouse—who shares her journey from heartbreak and struggle to building a life of abundance, freedom, and purpose. From losing her father at a young age to breaking free from an unfulfilling marriage, Kara opens up about how she rewrote her own story, ditched the victim mindset, and stepped into her power.

We dive into the importance of trusting your gut, shedding limiting beliefs, and embracing the discomfort of change. Kara shares how she went from practicing law to selling Mary Kay to fund her dreams, proving that success is never a straight path. If you're feeling stuck, uninspired, or afraid to step into the unknown—this episode is your wake-up call.

Kara Vaval is a visionary advocate for balanced living and personal fulfillment. With over 16 years of experience in the legal field, she brings a wealth of expertise to her role as a personal injury lawyer, entrepreneur, and business coach. Her “Laptop Lifestyle Lawyer” brand is just one way that she advances her unwavering mission and dedication to promoting balance and financial independence for all, especially for women. Kara continually empowers others to live life on their terms, creating lives full of memorable quality experiences that bring them true joy and satisfaction.

⏳ Episode Timeline:
[3:25] - Tragedy & transformation: Kara’s early years and the loss that shaped her
[9:32] - The unexpected twist: Passing the bar and a pregnancy test at the same time
[15:47] - From law firm to lipstick: How Mary Kay helped Kara build her law practice
[30:06] - From clearance to priceless: The moment Kara chose to stop playing small
[39:24] - The power of saying "no" and making space for what aligns with your worth
[45:53] - Why fear of the unknown is holding you back from the life you deserve
[53:41] - What Kara is doing now & how you can work with her!

FIND KARA IN ALL THE PLACES:

https://karavaval.com/

https://www.instagram.com/karavavalesq/

https://www.facebook.com/karavaval

Check out here podcast too! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/laptop-lifestyle-lawyer/id1558701867

Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:02.39)
Welcome to Girl Out of Order, my friend Kara.

Thank you so much for having me, I'm excited.

I am so happy for our Girl Out of Order community to be able to hear from a woman like you with such an inspirational story. And as we were talking before we hopped on, I just really believe that one of the most influential sources of change in a woman's life is hearing the stories of other women. And you have such an inspirational story, and I'm excited for our community to hear from you.

Awesome. Well, thank you for having me. I'll just start where it started. So yeah, I'm originally from Haiti. And so that's where I grew up. I grew up on the island there and had a pretty charmed life growing up. And tragedy just started hitting my life quite early on. I was 14 when and I hate to start interviews like this, but it's really to set the tone on, you know, how life just

always happens for you. Sometimes you think it's happening to you, it's really happening to you. when I, as I sharing my story, I invite everyone to just listen from that space. cause you will end up seeing how all of the things that happened, although some of it was harsh and difficult, it, it all served. And so,

Speaker 2 (01:27.502)
Okay, I to just pause you for just one quick second. The reason I wanted to pause you is I really want to emphasize what you just said because it's so profound and it really does frame where you're going. And I think it's important for our listeners to hear that. When we are listening to other people's stories, it's very easy to get stuck in the tragedy or get stuck in the like, where they're already at. But just remembering what Kara just said as you open your ears to hear her beautiful story that

how you view what's happened to you is an indicator of what you make of yourself and what you make of it. So I love that. just wanted to highlight.

Well, because you know what, and it's probably, I'm glad you said it this way, because I'll just go ahead and tell you where it led me so that when you hear it, you don't feel so bad. I am an attorney. I am a mom of two amazing kids. have an amazing, amazing life. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that this is my life.

really manifested so many things that I wanted for myself. I'm happily divorced. I've done the things, I've checked so many things off my dream board and I continue to create. I coach women, I'm an author of a book, I'm writing a second one now. I'm a laptop lifestyle lawyer. I teach women how to do what I do. I also coach women who have been through some of the tragedies that I will...

I will share and some of the things that I've been through in life. so again, it's like where I am now, the perspective that I have is really what makes my story so important to share is because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a silver lining. And what has me here is because I held on to that throughout my life. And so

Speaker 1 (03:25.358)
What really, you know, it wasn't always this way because at 14 years old, my father was brutally murdered when I was living in Haiti. I was a daddy's girl. I was the ultimate daddy's girl. And I looked up to him. He was a larger than life man. And it was just the rug got pulled from beneath me. had life as I knew it.

completely changed when I was 14 years old. And so I had to grow up really fast. My mother who was, she was 40 years old at the time. My dad was only 42. And the crazy thing is I'm 42 now. So when I, know, just to think of the fact that I still have breath and he didn't have the opportunity to live past this, these years. There's so much that's loaded into that for me because I am so convicted with

the fragility of life and the gift of the today, know, so many people just wake up, woe me and all that. It's like, girl, you don't have that time. You don't even know if you're gonna be here tomorrow. So, because my dad, the day that he passed, thought he had.

the next day and the next day and the rest of the year and the following year, you know, he really was full of life. He was like the way you're seeing me on the screen and then like this, he was no longer here. So because I understand that, I live like this is my last day, every day. And I realized that there's a gift built into the present moment. It's a present for real. And

know, life be life thing. Things are going to happen, but it's all in your attitude. It's all in how you look at it. My father was taken away. I was 14 years old. I moved to New York a few years later to attend my last year of high school and go on to college. And I stayed with my grandmother. Guess what? I was with her a year into being with her. The house that we lived in in New York caught on fire and she didn't make it. That was another one.

Speaker 2 (05:37.304)
So your grandfather died too?

Yes, tragically. no. Yeah. And so I had to have a conversation with the man upstairs and I was like, excuse my French. I put the like, what, you know, is this a personal vendetta? Do we have something going on here? And, but I was always for, I don't know where that wisdom came from back then. I was always,

kind of under the spell of everything happens for a reason and I can't figure out what this is now. Literally, I didn't have the capacity to process the grief, the pain, any of that at the time. Again, my mom, I could tell how disorienting losing my father was and then losing her mother. And at the time, my little brother was only five years old and I just, my...

my instinct was like, I've got to, I've got to step up to co-parent. And so I've been co-parenting since I was 14, really, you know?

Were you all in, okay, so were you all in New York together?

Speaker 1 (06:44.214)
Well, actually when this, when this happened, we were in Haiti when my father passed. I left Haiti and went to New York by myself. I was 16. I just could not stay in the country anymore after my dad had passed. and so two years later, basically I said to my mom, listen, I can't stay here. You know, justice had never been served. I, me becoming an attorney. there was a lot. So.

Again, life was informing me of where my story was to go, obviously with, you know, what was happening and what I was making of it. so, you know, fast forward, I'm in New York, I go to college, do what I have to do. And then I went into law school. And so I went into law school for many reasons. A, I wanted to make my dad proud. I wanted to make my mom proud. I wanted to make something of myself that was,

you know, just kind of like a testimony to the guy who was my dad, you know, like he was only in my life for 14 years, but yet look what I did with myself. So that was one thing. Definitely being an advocate for the voiceless was, it was just another thing that became so important to me because we didn't have that opportunity living in a third world country where the justice system is completely broken.

Great.

Speaker 1 (08:12.686)
you know, justice till this day has never been served. It's like, every evidence is there. Everyone knows where it happened, but it's so corrupt that nothing was done about it. And so, and I'm, drawing these parallels because life was happening, then it was also informing me of what, or really not just informing me, but like gearing me towards what my life was to, become. so,

Great.

Speaker 1 (08:42.03)
And so that happened and came here to South Florida, went to law school, graduated law school. And then, you know, I'm supposed to go to a law firm, make partner, you know what we do. It's like the aspirin of like go to big law and whatever. And then before I found out whether I had passed the bar or not, I found that I passed a pregnancy test.

Okay, pause, pause, pause. That's a bomb you just dropped because I'm like riding this wave of your whole like experience and you know, as a fellow lawyer, I mean, I thought my life was going to go on a certain trajectory too. And then when I graduated from law school, I passed the bar and then I realized I didn't want to practice law. So it's like when we have this plan for our lives, sometimes life

Right.

Speaker 2 (09:32.96)
says, yeah, so we're gonna go a different direction and yours is a different story than mine. But that same sort of thing where you have a blueprint, you have expectations and then life happens. So clearly life happened for you.

happened and it was the best thing that happened. At the time I did not see it that way. At the time I was like, my God, you know, I'm a hundred plus thousand dollars in debt and I need to work. And I had to hide my pregnancy because I didn't know if I had passed the bar or not when I started working. And so I was literally in the closet. And when

The bar results came out and I came out the closet. The attitude from my boss, it just, everything that I didn't want to happen happened. And the problem was.

Hold on a second. And I don't mean to interrupt you, but you just said something so important. And I think it goes to what we were talking about before we hopped on about just certain discriminations that you experienced, presumably as a woman. Did you feel that you experienced discrimination as a black woman? Did that inform that? were you not sure?

I was not in my brain. I wasn't connecting it to the color of my skin or anything like that. Obviously, as the years went by, I wondered if it would have been different if the color of my skin wasn't that. Honestly, growing up in the Caribbean, we're not so exposed to what a

Speaker 1 (11:26.826)
African Americans have to deal with here. It's a black nation. If anything, where I come from, it's more of a social status, your last name, who, know, that's more of what people discriminate against. So I think for a while, and of course, when I left Haiti and I went to New York, New York is such a melting pot. Like I didn't really experience any of that. So I wasn't looking for it either. And so when I was at that job,

you know, because of how warm my boss was in the beginning. And then, you know, it was once he knew of the pregnancy that his attitude changed. I knew it had to do with the fact that he couldn't get the rookie lawyer that was supposed to be grinding out 16 hour days out of me because as you know, if anybody listening has been pregnant, you know, you sleepy all the time. You got to pee every Tuesday. You know, you're hungry. You're like, it's not.

I'm getting by. was getting, was doing the work that I needed to do. Don't get me wrong, but you know, I wasn't, I wasn't how I probably would have been had I not had something growing inside of me for the first time. You know, I'd never been pregnant before. And so, I didn't, I didn't appreciate the condescending, you know, if I brought emotion, like a draft of emotion, all of a sudden, everything I did was, it was trash, you know, like did you even, it was just like that, but then I couldn't,

quit the job because I needed the money at the time. know, Sally Mae, now she's Naviant, but Sally Mae back then wanted her money back. And so I needed to show up for work and I needed to pay these loans. so I was doing that, but as soon as I had my son, I went on maternity leave. It was unpaid. I, you it was just whatever my savings could support. And

my son was three months old and my husband at the time was like, you know, got to go back to work. And I could not go back to work. I could not see myself putting my kid in daycare to go work for this a-hole, right? And then for what? Like I was making less money working for him than I had been making prior to going to law school as executive assistant in Manhattan. And so I just thought to myself,

Speaker 1 (13:55.298)
I've got to find a different way. And my prayer honestly was answered at a Target. I was walking around at a Target and this woman walked up to me and offered me a facial with Mary Kay Cosmetics. And I said, yes, she came to my house. She did her thing. And the whole time she's trying to sell me these lip glosses. And I'm like, girl, how do you make?

this money. Like, how do you do this? Because she was sharp, she was an architect, and she was selling lipstick and color cosmetics and freaking skincare for a living. And so

Hey, so I'm like trying to keep up with you, but you know, let me just recap. You go to go to law school, you get the big firm job, you get pregnant before you pass the bar, you pass the bar, your boss treats you like trash, you have the baby, you decide you can't go back to work and now you're getting lipstick put on you by Mary Kayleigh. Summarizing.

Can you imagine? So, but the thing is, and again, just hang on and hear the story. Because if you listened to my story, some of the things that I realize now, obviously about myself is, A, the law degree never defined who I was. I was still marching to the beat of the drummers of Kara's life. You I wanted,

I wanted what I wanted for myself. And I understood that it was not going to be understood by everyone. So even when I mentioned it to family, like my mom was like, what do mean? You have a law degree. You're to go sell lipstick. And I was like, yeah, except that the lipstick business is keeping me home with my kid and I can pay my bills off of it. And so my first six figures I made with Mary Kay Cosmetics, I didn't make it as an attorney.

Speaker 1 (15:47.542)
You know, and I drove my pink Cadillac to court when I did decide to start taking cases, you know, and it was amazing. And that's what funded my law firm was my Mary Kay business. was my, you know, pink bubble that I was in. And I discovered in Mary Kay that I had a gift to empower women and that I had a voice to empower women. though all my life they were like, my God, you talk so much. You should be a lawyer. No, I talk so much as to be a speaker.

I should be a-

Boom. Okay, I love that. don't want to fly past this because there was something that jumped out to me that was so powerful. And I want our listeners to hear this. In that moment, when you had this awareness that the plan that you had was no longer aligned with you, you had a decision to make and you got resourceful because your eye was so fixed on your outcome, which was to be there for your son.

And so for so many women, as we sit here, you know, we talked, my story, I love my law practice, I love serving my clients, and I have a vision, a dream, a passion to build out this podcast, to build my coaching business, to build this mastermind. And the reality is we are more resourceful than we give ourselves credit for. It's when we are fixated and focused and fueled by

our outcome that the resourcefulness is unleashed.

Speaker 1 (17:23.598)
Correct. And detached from the how. Because the... Yeah, that part. Because some of us are holding so tight to the plan or the how that we envision for ourselves that we can't, you know, allow the actual big picture plan to unravel. And so for me, that $100 starter kit...

I bought my freedom for a hundred dollars. I bought my actual freedom for a hundred dollars because had it not been for that Mary Kay starter kit that I bought and started doing this thing with, you know, I've been stuck in this job. I would have had to go back and, my plan was make partner work my way through. And that was my plan. But obviously this other plan that ended up, you know, unfolding itself.

in front of me because I was flexible ended up being the best plan because now 16 years later, I still have a thriving law firm that I practice mostly personal injury and I do incredibly well with. It supports my family, it supports my kids. I've been able to buy my house with it. I buy luxuries with it. We travel all over the world with it and pays for my kids private school, like all the things.

And it's funded my coaching business. It's all of the things that have come out of that redirection. I couldn't have, I couldn't have come up with this plan. And so that's why I said being detached because the how is too often our how is the reason why we can't get to our results. It's because we're too,

attached to things going a certain way and not open enough to things going the way it's written for.

Speaker 2 (19:34.478)
Yeah, that's just such, I mean, that's like a fire bomb right there, but it's so powerful. And you're speaking directly to my heart because I think, you know, for me, even, know, this, podcast that come along with me podcast, and I'm in this place where I'm, I get so up here trying to figure it out, trying to figure out the way to do the thing that I'm focused on, that I forget it's not about the how it's not being open.

to avenues that might be unconventional. I mean, you didn't imagine selling lipsticks, but I had a question about that. Because I don't want to forget.

years I spent in Mary Kay. And color cosmetics and skin care. And I, my first year with the company, I sold over $400,000 of that stuff. know I this stuff I'm telling you and it's great. It's a great product line and I was doing it. And guess what? At each Mary Kay party I got to, I stood in front of a group of women because

People were hosting parties and I would get six, eight, 10 women in a room. And I would come up and say, I'm an attorney and this is what I do. And they're like, my God, I have a case. have a case. have a case. have a case. And so I didn't know that Mary Kate was my marketing strategy to build my law firm as well. So as I was doing this stuff, money was coming in from it, but it was also helping build what I went to school for.

I love that and it's so interesting because people will ask me sometimes, you know how I get clients and I and I stop and think it's because I'm always in a marketing stance, but it's so ingrained in me that I don't even think about it as I'm sharing what I do at the soccer field or at the church or at the health club. My daughter's always like does anybody meet you and not know you're an attorney like no, but why would I like no and.

Speaker 1 (21:41.774)
They were happen.

Yeah, but I used to, I used to really beat myself up a little bit because some organizations I was a part of would be like, you're so arrogant, you're so prideful, you're so self promoting. And now I'm like, I am full of pride because I'm a badass. And if I don't self promote, how am I ever going to grow?

Okay, so earlier, you and I, I don't know if it was when we got on here or a little bit before, because we were chatting. You said, you know, really understanding for women in general, you want to promote women supporting each other and understanding that, you know, together we're stronger and that, you know, all the things you say, I can't remember all your words, but.

Let me tell you something. I got very clear on one thing. We are all branches of the same damn tree. Okay. And I am not you. You are not me. You'll never beat me at being me. I'll never beat you at being you. And so I am going to showcase all of me so you can see me and I want you to showcase all of you so I can see you. You stay in your lane. I stay in my lane. You borrow from me. I borrow from you and together we're stronger. That's it. That's the more, that's, that's the, that's the one thing that if everybody

Got it. We're not in competition with each other. So why would me shining my light intimidate you? Why would you interpret that as me being arrogant? I am freaking selling myself. I'm supposed to. That's how you're going to know how to refer to me. That's how you're going to know, you know, what, to even describe me to people. If when I get clients and I ask them who referred you, they tell me, and they say, they say the same thing.

Speaker 1 (23:27.202)
Well, so-and-so referred me and said that you're really easy to talk to you. You're very, they all know that when they're coming to me, this is who they're going to get. And they're not getting that because they spoke to me. They got that from the person who referred. I'm doing a damn good job putting it out there that this is who I am. And if I'm not for you, don't come to me.

Correct. my gosh

Go to the person who's a little bit more subdued. Go to the person who maybe is not, who's not me. Cause I'm not here. I'm not for everybody. And I'm, I'm, I'm aware of that. And I'm, I'm very good with that.

Yeah, honestly, and that's the definition of being a girl out of order is being so comfortable in your skin and confident in the divine guidance for your life that if you're not, if you're not for somebody, if you're not their cup of tea, then you're at peace with that because what I started this podcast for is it came out of a desperation in myself.

to stop denying any part of who I am for the approval or acceptance of someone else. Sometimes we have to lovingly let them go. I've done that with clients where I've said, this is not a match for, it has to be a match for both or it's a match for none. And I love what you said. It's like, I'm good with it if I'm not for you because we don't wanna invite people into our lives.

Speaker 2 (25:03.66)
that are not in alignment with who we are and where we're going because at the end of the day it's an ugly breakup anyway.

Right, and honestly, I will say it, I've become, the older I get, I've become such an energy snob. oh my God, I am such an energy snob. The finding energy snob is, listen, if the energy is wonky, if we're not in alignment, if the environment, the space, the person,

Okay, define.

Speaker 1 (25:38.03)
the conversation, the food, whatever. If it's not in alignment with this vibrational space that I'm operating from, listen, I gracefully bow out, you know, it's all good. No heart feelings. It's great. I'm not participating. I'm not enrolling in anything that is an honor me. I don't enroll in anything that makes me uncomfortable. I don't enroll. I ain't got time for it. You know, again, I told you I'm 42 years old.

pages.

Speaker 1 (26:06.85)
You know, and I've done all the suffering that needed to happen in my life. Like I've done, I've done all the light dimming, trying to fit in boxes that were uncomfortable. I've done all of that, you know? And, and it doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for me to try to fit in any mold because it's uncomfortable. You know, it's like wearing a size too small. I can't do that. It's like me walking on heels now. I don't do that anymore.

court I put on these little tiny heels just because that's what I have and I'm like you know what I mean right now I'm just gonna I'm just gonna show you for watching that YouTube in a lab I mean like this this is literally what I'm wearing can you see these? Yeah and they're they're glittery they're glittery tennis shoes and I got blue tie-dye socks I don't care because I'm me and I'm comfortable with that

Yeah, awesome.

Speaker 1 (27:01.166)
And I feel like the more comfortable you are with yourself and the more you embrace and love all parts of yourself, the more you can embrace and love other people for where they are. And you can also lovingly leave certain people where they are, not, not be upset about it, not be upset that they can't match you, but understand that this is just where they are and it's cool. And I think that

If more people practice that, you know, there would be more empathy, there will be more compassion, there would be more acceptance. And we don't all need to be the same. Who said that we need to be all the same? Who said that we need to keep up with, you know, what are we keeping up with? You're on your path to what your calling is on your life. I'm on my path, you know, and then...

look, we just converge, we're dancing here together, know, whatever can come out of this, whatever this is meant for will happen. And then we're keeping it, keeping it trucking along, you know, and that's, that's the space that I'm operating from. And it's again, because I've, life has come at me in ways to teach me that it ain't that serious.

You know, it's true. Exactly. But Kara, you know, I want to highlight just something and maybe you can share sort of your process. I almost said progress, but your process as you move through this. Because what I don't want women to hear would be like, my gosh, here's two incredibly confident women. They're totally comfortable in their skin. I can't relate. But it's not like we flipped a switch and became this confident, badass person who lovingly lets people go from our life.

Sometimes cutting out those negative people or those energy sucks, it's a grief. Like you have to go through certain, it's painful. And so what I want you to talk a little bit about is the time in your life where you had to make some of those really difficult decisions so that women can relate to your story, not just where you are now, but like, hey, just so you know, this product, this Kara you see before you today, she's the product of a lot of work.

Speaker 2 (29:17.184)
a lot of self reflection, some grief and some really I had to up my self love quotient to get here. So I don't know if you can speak to that or if there's something that comes to mind.

Like it's such an on point, amazing question. You're such a good interviewer. should know. Okay.

Thank you.

So I recently hosted this retreat last December and I'm going to be doing a lot more of those. And that's also going to be the title of the book. It's called From Clearance to Priceless because month upon a time this girl was on clearance. Okay.

So I'll just take you there. So let me just take you there. I was doing all the things, being all the things to everybody, putting myself last, putting everybody first, trying to fit all the molds, trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be. I did that. I checked all the boxes.

Speaker 2 (30:06.018)
Make me get interior ready.

Speaker 1 (30:28.558)
I went to school, I got the law degree, I got married, had the kids and this and that and all the things. I had the beautiful profile picture with my little family in front of Magic Kingdom and I was dying inside. I was so freaking unhappy. I was so broken. I felt so small and yet I had checked all the boxes. I was supposed to be this story of success and yet

I was looking at myself in the mirror like, girl, is this it? Like, this is what we did this for? And so at the time I was in a marriage where, you know, it was, we had become roommates. was not being, I didn't feel like I was someone's wife. You know, it was just like, we were just trucking along doing the things and I kept.

asking for dates and things like little small things that make me happy. Like I like to go out to dinner. I like that. And it was just a thing, you know? And so after a while, you know, I had this conversation with him where I was like, bro, I don't feel like I'm asking for so much. You know, this is, this is very little that I'm asking. I just want a night off. make breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Take the kids to school. I do all the things like, and then, you know, he looked at me with the most honest,

like he had so much honesty in his eyes what I remember and he said to me, I know those are the things that you want, but I don't have it in my DNA to do that for you.

Wow. Well, thank you for your honesty.

Speaker 1 (32:09.836)
Yeah.

Yes, thank you for your honesty because up until then I was trying to change and telling him he can, giving him the tool. And I realized, man, I literally am living in an illusion. This is his truth. In my head, I can make him all the things, right? And then I realized that, you know, I, cause the red flags had been there.

I had been the one in denial. He had never, he had always been who he was. I just kept hoping for different. And we do that. You we have scaring us in the face and then it takes some, it didn't need to take something so earth shattering for me to wake up, but that's what it took. And from that moment, I was like, for who I know myself to actually be, to me, not to anybody else.

And for someone to be in my life who doesn't honor that, that's my fault. That's me, that's on me. And so I started doing an audit of who I was keeping around me and what I was tolerating in my life that didn't honor me.

So wait, you did that after he said that?

Speaker 1 (33:37.748)
after he said that, mean, within a year we were divorced. Cause I realized, you know, I appreciated the, the trajectory that we, we have, have two beautiful children, great kids, but he was no longer for me. And he definitely was in my life the years that he was in my life because of how I felt about myself.

I felt very little about myself at the time. I lost my dad. I felt like I was broken good. My mother would always call us like orphans, know? you know, we were like victims. And so for a long time in my life, that was the narrative. And so I attracted a lot of things that confirmed that until I woke up to the truth of who I actually am. And I'm like, fuck that. I'm not a victim. I'm not a, I'm none of this stuff.

All this stuff that was projected onto me, this is their story, not mine. I'm a powerhouse. make, I freaking make martinis out of lemonade. Forget, they say, say, they say make, what is it? lemon. I make martinis with them, you know? I, I, I'm that girl. I'm resourceful. I'm, you know.

8 out of 11s or something.

Speaker 1 (34:53.438)
love unconditionally. I have such a big heart and I'm, I'm always looking to empower and I'm always looking to pour into the people around me. And I, I do all these things. And if people are going to be in my, in my, my space and they don't have that towards me, then it's a hell no. And so as I started doing my audit, a lot of people couldn't make the cut.

Okay. my gosh. That is such a quote. As I started doing my audit, a lot of people didn't make the cut. And here's the thing I want to highlight because what you said was so important because we have to get to the point in our lives and in our development where we reach maximum capacity, where we are so satiated with, pardon my language, shit, that we say enough.

enough I'm done and there does have to come a point where we choose sisters hear this where we choose to take our life and put it on a different trajectory because you could have continued on your life in this victimhood mindset because a lot of people would say to you and they have said to me because my have I've experienced you know I've been victimized I've had a childhood abuse my husband was unfaithful my community knows my story

And for the longest time, I lived in that victim mindset. And what you said is so powerful, I want our women to hear this, that you're going to find what you're looking for. And so if you're seeking out confirmation that you are a victim to your circumstances, guess what's gonna happen? You're gonna find it. And you got to a point in your life where you said, another day, not another minute, not another hour. I am gonna choose to rewrite my story.

And you know why?

Speaker 2 (36:50.572)
No?

that I'm going to die one day. And this is dress rehearsal. We are live. This is my life. This is not, again, a dress rehearsal. One, and I am not going, I was 36 years old and I am like, hell no. This is not gonna be my life.

We get one shot.

Speaker 1 (37:18.444)
You know, and even though it was very difficult, my kids were so they were small. My daughter was five. My son was 10. And it was like, mean, you everyone's like, should stay for the kids. And I'm like, I'm freaking leaving for the kids, but you won't understand that. You know, I'm doing that because I don't want them to think that sacrificing yourself for someone else is the way to go.

I'm not sacrificing my life for kids. My kids will heal, I'll get them therapy, whatever they need, but I need them to have a happy mom. I need them to have a thriving mom. And let me tell you something, the way my life has opened up since doing this audit, since cleaning up, since cutting out the energy vampires and loving them at a distance,

Respectfully, everybody's still, it's not like, you some people really didn't make the cut and there's just no contact anymore. But you know, that was the catalyst for me to really look at myself and say, okay, I have to take responsibility because no one, every, everything that's happened, I've been an accomplice. I've agreed to it. You know, I've been an accomplice in my own shit.

So I can't, I'm not upset about it. I'm not upset with anyone that I can't, I'm not also upset with myself. You know what I mean?

So what you said right there, I want to circle back to your book, From Clearance to Priceless, because it was in that moment of decision where you decided, I'm taking myself off the clearance rack and I'm putting myself on the luxury shelves where I freaking ass belong. You had to decide and then you had to, presumably, then you had to start stepping into that and living as if

Speaker 2 (39:24.096)
you actually believed it because you can't just say it. You have to take actions that are in alignment with what you're believing and manifesting, right?

And you also have to realize that not making that choice comes at a cost. It was the cost of not doing it that put me into action. It was the emotional cost, the financial cost, the loss of enjoyment of life, the, you know, all the, all of the, man, the, the juices of life that I didn't have access to because I was in this

clearance state that I couldn't enjoy certain abundance, know, certain things that I knew I could avail myself to if I had just, you if I could just take myself off this, out of the stray jacket. And so, and so again, you know, you make these decisions not because you don't love the people or you're insensitive, but because you want to give yourself an opportunity at

all the things that you say you want. And all the things I was saying I wanted just was not in alignment with the life I was living. And it was, had to, I had to, you know, I had to acknowledge that and know that if I didn't do what I, what I, what I ended up doing, the life, the, the, the, narrative wouldn't change. And so I, I was very aware of that. I took

the responsibility to make the change. And again, it was because I said, if I don't.

Speaker 2 (41:11.425)
Right.

If I don't at the time I was drinking myself to a stupor. Cause I had to, had to, I had to numb it. Cause you can't be in such discord with who you really are and not have to numb from time to time. I was in such misalignment. Listen.

It

Speaker 1 (41:40.334)
Your body tells you. You're, you know, it's screaming inside of you and whether you decide to honor yourself is up to you. But she's been riding with you all day, all your life. Your intuition's been here. She's watched all of your life happen. She knows what she's Your gut.

She knows what she's telling you. She's like, girl, this shit is not good for you.

And she makes you sick.

She you uncomfortable. makes you... She ended up manifesting as little cysts on my ovaries. I mean, she was just like, girl.

Okay, as somebody who just had a complete hysterectomy in August because of the result of these massive, like massive fibroids, what you make me think, like, I know that there have been years and years and years where I have been so white knuckling life that my body probably, man, I, this is not medical advice, so I'm a little disclaimer there, but you know, I'm just wondering like where the hell did these come from?

Speaker 1 (42:58.88)
your it's it's negative energy.

It has to go somewhere

it manifests in disease. It's a body that's not at ease. That's disease is. And so, you know, where do you think this energy is going if you're not, if you're not releasing or if you're not processing or if you're not, you know, changing your environment, if you're not giving it a different air to breathe. Yeah.

And I didn't give you any heads up on this, but I know you're gonna go with it. What would you say to the woman who is listening to your story and is feeling inspired, but she just feels stuck in a situation, whatever it is, fill in the blank, and she's so filled with fear about stepping out into this uncomfortable, whatever it is, what would you say to her?

What you've already experienced, what you know, has, it pales in comparison to what is available once you step out. Life opens up all the possibilities, life, other side of what you already know. You already know your situation. So your fear is of this unknown,

Speaker 1 (44:25.25)
This unknown is a blank canvas where anything can happen. It's exciting. My life opened up so much. So when I stepped out of my marriage and I met this Greek man and all he does is take me out on dates and travels with me. And I've been to more Four Seasons in Ritz-Carlton than I've ever dreamt of, right? And ate so many amazing places and had so many experiences.

That wouldn't have happened if I stayed. The amount of life that I've lived with my kids, I've taken my kids on, know, recently to Europe, we went to Hawaii. I couldn't do these things before because living opulent, living a big life was not in alignment with the marriage I was in.

Right. yeah, and I want to life exploded.

loaded. Good way. So what I'm telling her is trust yourself to create something beautiful. You know what beauty is for you. You know what you want. You know what your gut is telling you. Give her an opportunity to show you what you're made of. You'll never know what you're truly made of being in a

situation that forces you to dim yourself.

Speaker 2 (45:53.624)
Boom, you'll never know what you're, yeah. You'll never know what you're made of if you stay in a situation that forces you to dim yourself, dim your light, dim who you know you are.

play small, act submissive, do all these things that we do to fit in or to make it work. Listen, if I have to make it work, maybe it's not working. I just want it to work because it's naturally working, because it's naturally in alignment with who I am and where I'm going. And so whatever it is that you're trying to force this square peg into a circle,

You know, just, do you just want to find a circle instead of trying to get it into the square peg? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Are you trying to force it? Like Lauren will often tell me, she drives me nuts when she says it. And the reason she drives me nuts when she says it is because she's absolutely right. She's like, when you stop pushing and start dancing, that's when the real magic happens. But it's in that discomfort of uncertainty, of stepping into the unknown, that women, that's that point where women pull back.

when it's actually the point at which we need to move forward. When we feel that little discomfort of uncertainty, how we frame that, that can actually be exhilaration. That can be excitement. That can be anticipation. And even just talking about it differently makes me feel different. But we have to build that muscle of taking that uncomfortable action to step into a situation where we're open to possibilities.

Speaker 1 (47:39.47)
and to equip yourself, to help yourself, lean into communities where this conversation is happening. Listen to podcasts, listen to books, immerse yourself in materials that are helping you develop this muscle because a lot of this stuff that we go through, this work that we did, we do it alone. We do it in the privacy of our alone time. And so these muscles that I built,

fight that I fought. You know, it was a lot of times it was alone and it was the books, it was the conversation, was the seminars, the webinars, the this and all the things that where these conversations were happening that I kept borrowing from this wisdom consistently. And it kept confirming to me this new narrative and it kept enforcing this new narrative. And I started doing the things that enforce that, know, including man, I

I had been always just a discount shop girl, like always. And then I said, no, I want to go, even if I have to go window shopping, I want to go places where luxury is on display. And so I started doing, it was like this, this small exercise, but it was so powerful. And it was constantly, you know, sending a message to myself that

I belong in bigger, nicer places. I'm not on clearance. don't need, girl, the way that I, where I was, it was more than like clearance. It was like salvation army, you know what I mean? And I wasn't a salvation army gal. I'm a, you know, and on top of it, I find it's my own damn self. So it's not like I needed someone to come give it to me, but it's like, I couldn't live out loud. I couldn't live out of order. Cause I was.

I had a framework that I needed to fit. And when I finally got out of order is when life opened up.

Speaker 2 (49:42.38)
There it is. When I finally got out of order, it's when life opened up. And I've experienced that same thing, Kara, because when I started this podcast, my law firm had been in business for three months in the middle of a crazy pandemic. The threats from my old partner, just really scary times where I had so little confidence in who I was, but I had a fire in my belly that I couldn't ignore. And so I started this podcast because I'm like, all right.

I felt like you, like not another day, not another minute, not another hour. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. I wanna change things. So I created this Girl Out of Order space and place. And now we have a vibrant community that's growing and expanding because I realized what you said. Like I was doing a lot of this on my own. It's when I started plugging in to community and plugging into the tribe. And yes, this is a plug to join the Girl Out of Order Facebook community.

and to build your community wherever you are, whether it's online, whether it's in your local church or your mosque or your synagogue or whatever it is for you, but don't sit and do life or try to change everything in a vacuum because you can get to a certain point, but do you agree with the statement that you can grow to a certain point, if you really want that explosive growth, it's done in community?

Absolutely. And, and certain communities are for certain seasons. It's not, you know, each community doesn't have to be like, was like, told you what Lauren right after my divorce, that whole time it was, I needed that space. I needed her as my coach. I needed the retreats that she was holding. She had these cleanses where I was.

All the things, the sound balls, all those things were what I needed at the time. And then as I evolved, then I tapped into communities that were taking me to that next and to that next and to that next. And today, you know, I'm still doing that. You know, I'm consistently making sure that I'm plugged in to people that inspire me.

Speaker 1 (51:58.882)
that understand me, that don't judge me, that love me unconditionally, that hold space for me. And it may not be somebody that you currently know right now, but if you do plug in, that person will show up, but that person's not gonna show up at your doorstep, right? And the people who have helped me the most,

were strangers, you know, just when I started my journey. so they've walked into my life at the exact time and the exact place, but because I was also open and showing up.

100%. So Kara, as we start to wrap up here, tell our listeners a little bit about what you're doing now. What do you have in the hopper and how they can get plugged in and follow you.

Okay, wonderful. up until the, you know, the end of last year, I was a hundred percent focused on this laptop lifestyle lawyer brand where I coach women lawyers on how to start their virtual law firms and, go on to

add personal injury law and increase their cashflow doing that. And I love doing that. I love empowering women in business and finding ways to create abundance for themselves. Because so many women lawyers, again, you know, the trip, just our path into law is so riddled with, you you got the LSAT, then you got the, you know, getting into school and getting it. It's always your fit. You're trying to fit in. You're constantly trying to fit in. And so,

Speaker 1 (53:41.144)
There's a lot of confidence breakdowns that happen on our path. So I'm really big on rebuilding women lawyers. The end of the, in December when I did my retreat though, my, from clearance to priceless retreat, it just, the juice I got from that, she's like, my God, I cannot not do this.

So this year I am implementing a lot more of that, those kinds of spaces. So I'll be hosting more of those retreats. You can follow me on CaraVaval, E-S-Q, that's K-A-R-A-V-A-V-A-L-E-S-Q or caraval.com. So that's all where you can find what I'm going to be doing this year, what I'm up to. I have some stuff around money mindset.

I'll be in our show notes, by the way.

Speaker 1 (54:35.8)
But I also have some stuff about, you know, loving yourself and taking care of yourself. Cause that's what I know. And I'm allowing the universe, God, whatever the forces that may be to really pull that out of me this year. I'm super obedient. I'm super open. And as the ideas come up, as I feel moved,

that's where I'll be going. But I know for sure it's going to be women at large in addition to working with the women lawyers.

I'm so excited and I'm so glad you're in my orbit. I know that this happened for a reason. You know, I've even even since we've been talking, I was I'm already starting to talk about possibly doing personal injury like you're opening up my mind to other avenues and possibilities. So regardless of the law thing, I know that we are going to be we are going to be in each other's tribe for a very you're you're having a hard time getting rid of me, my friend.

I don't want to get rid of you at all, girl. I want you to stay and listen. I think that when souls like this who have that same agenda to have the kind of impact we want to have when they collide, it's because the universe wants to use us for magic. So this is one of the that we're doing of many.

Okay.

Speaker 2 (55:53.966)
people.

I love it. I have one final question for you. I asked it of all my guests and I shamelessly ripped it off from Jen Hatmaker, one of my favorite podcasters. It's a question that Barbara Brown Taylor, the poet asked and you can answer it however you want. You can be silly. You can be serious. Just answer the first question. Stay out of your head. Just whatever comes to your mind. So what is saving your life right now?

myself.

Absolutely.

I'm saving my life. I'm saving my life and I'll give you some easy, you know, things that you can do to save your life. If you want to borrow from me, I'm saving my life by investing in my health. I'm working out every morning. I eat clean. I, I don't drink anymore. I definitely am saving my life by doing that. Cause I was hurting myself and I'm saving my life with a lot of love.

Speaker 1 (56:53.452)
I'm patient with myself. don't allow any, like I told you, I keep my energetic field clean. I'm saving myself. You've got to participate in your own rescue. No one's coming.

Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (57:07.808)
A thousand percent.

No one is coming.

My second ever episode in this podcast was called Becoming Your Own Damn Hero. And so it's just one more confirmation that our missions are aligned. I'm so thankful for you joining us today.

Thank you. This was amazing. Thank you. Lots of love.